Can we talk about Spy Kids 3 for a second because it’s just the MOST BAFFLING CINEMATIC EXPERIENCE EVER
First we open to LITTLE BABY SELENA GOMEZ
THE PRESIDENT IS GEORGE CLOONEY?
Later we see Juni’s grandpa who is KHAN??
who spends the whole movie chasing a butterfly
THE VILLAIN IS SYLVESTER STALLONE
WHO GETS VILLAIN ADVICE FROM THREE OTHER SYLVESTER STALLONES
ELIJAH WOOD SHOWS UP
ONLY TO DIE IN THE NEXT SCENE
Then we find out that the president was actually the villain the whole time which makes ZERO SENSE but leads to this glorious George Clooney Sylvester Stallone impression
Then we get Antonio Benderez doing this?
AND THEIR UNCLE WHO IS STILL MACHETE
AND THEN STEVE BUSCEMI SHOWS UP ON A FLYING PIG FOR NO REASON
Alec: Magnus! Magnus: What? Alec: Where's my stele? Magnus: What? Alec: WHERE IS MY STELE? Magnus: I uh... put it away. Alec: WHERE? Magnus: WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW? Alec: I NEED IT! Magnus: UH-UH, DON'T YOU THINK ABOUT RUNNING OFF AND DOING THOSE DARING-DO! WE'VE BEEN PLANNING THIS DINNER FOR TWO MONTHS! Alec: THE WORLD IS IN DANGER! Magnus: MY EVENING'S IN DANGER! Alec: YOU TELL ME WHERE MY STELE IS MAGNUS! WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE GREATER GOOD! Magnus: "GREATER GOOD"? I AM YOUR BOYFRIEND! I AM THE GREATEST GOOD YOU ARE EVER GONNA GET!
God I bet.. I bet Sam LOVES having guests. So he actually made a massive breakfast for them, and he doesn’t know what these guys eat - Natasha’s tiny, so Sam makes a fruit salad, but then, maybe Steve (who’s huge) likes fruit salad too, so he ends up with a punchbowl full of fruit. But then also waffles and pancakes, and eggs… though who knows how these people eat their eggs? Sam likes scrambled, but he boils some just in case, and sets up a frying pan in case either of them wants fried. Better put some water on to boil in case someone wants poached…. While he has the eggs out, might as well make french toast. But then actually, Natasha’s european, right? They like that weird-ass continental breakfast shit, so he rolls up some little bits of ham and cheese, which looks weird without croissants and muffins and whatnot so he nips out to get some. And some juice. And some tea. And some hair straighteners.
And so Natasha eats a few bits of everything, but Steve… well Steve grew up during a time where you did not waste food - clearing your plate is ingrained in him, so. Yeah, he did have a big breakfast. He had all the breakfast.
